Loved you a little bit
I’m washing up your fishbowl. You died last night.
You, fish, died.
I loved you!
At least a little. I loved you a little bit!
You were an insignificant being and I loved you, loved you a bit.
You were so naive, oh, fish; so ignorant of the extent of life.
Ouassim brought you home a few months ago, maybe one year ago already? I don’t quite remember. That’s how time flies!
At the beginning I didn’t care much about you, really.
After all you were a fish, you were just a mere it. The most insignificant and boring pet there is.
But after a couple of weeks, Ouassim started to spend more and more time away from home. And I ended up being the new fish’s daddy.
And you started to grow on me. At least a bit.
You were a goldfish. Just another plain goldfish in a normal fishbowl.
Goldfish in fishbowl; you were a damn living cliché.
I discovered with you that fish don’t actually have a 3-second memory—somehow you managed to remember me.
I know it because, little by little, you started not to panic when I grabbed you out of your bowl to change the old water.
During those few seconds, before I took you back to your fresh bowl, you would breathe powerless but calmly in the hollow of my palm—pap-pap—pap-pap—dizzy, high on oxygen—so vulnerable, so sweet.
As it is its custom, time kept going by, and I even started to talk to you sometimes.
When in the kitchen, always, at some point, I would notice you in your bowl and would say little silly things to you in a loving tone like How you doing today, fishy-fish? Bit bored in your bowl? or What a good boy he is, my fishy-fish!
And then last night you died.
You floating on the surface—A PANG.
Bright tiny tears in the rim of my eyes.
But you were just a fish! I felt ashamed of almost crying for just a fish. And one that wasn’t even mine in the first place.
It has happened to me sometimes that a very close person has died and I haven’t shed a single tear. Not even a bright and tiny one.
Life is weird, fishy-fish. Death is weird, my dead fish. I loved you a little bit.